I think too much. I love too much. Maybe that's why I always end up hurting too much.
My Litte Things
This is a mental diversion for us bloggers to escape the unpleasant world of realities turning our feelings into fantasies through creative writing. If you are into reading over a cup of coffee, then esCafeism must be your chillin' place.
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Being ignored is one of the worst feelings that you could ever have.
It doesn’t matter if it is the simple act of not recognizing your presence when you walk along the street or the deeper kind when someone ignored your feelings that you are having towards that person. It hurts too much to be ignored knowing that you have exerted effort, a lot of efforts actually, to get that person’s attention yet that person chose to go on as if you have never done anything. There are times that you would keep on wondering what you have done wrong for them to choose not to acknowledge you. Sometimes, you would even lose your mind in trying to find an answer because you can’t seem to think of a reason why would they just brush you off as if you don’t exist at all. It is terrible to know that there are those people who would not care about you when all you ever ask them is their simple attention.
But then, we have to consider that people have their own reasons as to why they choose to ignore you. It could be from the simplest one such that they are too busy to acknowledge your presence or that maybe they don’t feel the same way about you so they would rather ignore you than hurt your feelings further. They may hate it that they chose to ignore you but there are times that they just couldn’t think of any possible thing to do but ignorance. Do not be saddened when someone ignores you because this is when you will find out where you stand on someone. You would know whether you mean something to them or nothing at all. You would know whether you are important to them or not.
Being ignored may hurt you. It may stepped on your ego but then you should just stand up every time this happens because once a person ignores you, this only proves that they do not deserve your attention too.
So many times you’ve hurt me So many times you’ve fooled me But you’ll be doing it again So many times we’ve spent in Too many lives we’ve been in But you’re doing it again To me the nights have fallen The lights are on and off again Is there a chance that you won’t die Won’t die, with me tonight? Like a shooting star to where you are Are we too late am I too soon? You’ll make it through you’ve gone too far Will you ever be my star? I’m holding on to nothing No reason worth for living I’m calling out to you If it’s the only way to keep you Then I dont want to break you I’m losing grip again With you the nights have fallen The lights are on and off again Is there a chance that you wont die Won’t die, with me tonight? Like a shooting star to where you are Are we too late am I too soon You’ll make it through you’ve gone too far Will you ever be my star? You’re a shooting star to where you are Are we too late am I too soon You’ll make it through you’ve gone too far Will you ever be my star? Will you ever be my star? You’re walking away I’ll be seeing you through a satellite If you go Then I’m walking away
We all want this kind of relationship.
We all have this vision on how a relationship with our future lover should be. We have all the things that we wanted to do and all the words that we wanted to say. We have planned all the vacations that we would like to have and even the smallest things such as what food we should eat for dinner or how to dress up on your first dinner date. We wanted it to be the forever kind. That relationship which all of those people would be happy about. That relationship which will prove that forever does exist. We wanted it to be open to everybody yet private enough for both of you to share. We wanted it to be something great because we have spent a very long time just to have something like it that is why when we have held it in our hands, we don’t want to let it go.
We all have our own idea of our perfect relationship. All the twists and turns, what to do on a certain moment, what to say, how to act and other things. We may ask for pieces of advice from others but what will always prevail will be that idea on our heads on how it should be. But then there are times that this particular idea on our head on how every little thing should be taking place is what ruins everything. Because of this, we begin to expect, we begin to visualize everything according to our plan that when things didn’t turn our way, we get disappointed on everything that we end up hurting our lover including ourselves. We begin to think that they are nothing because they could not make our fantasies into realities. We begin to take them for granted just because they are real.
We shouldn’t be like that. When we are in a relationship, all those fantasies and expectations should be thrown away. We should focus on what’s real, on what’s in front of us. We should forget all our rules and that image in our head on how everything should be. We should start to do anything to make everything work out. Because in the end, none of your fantasies and wishful thoughts will ever matter if the one you love walked away from you just because you are living in a nonexistent world.
The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations - all of them rearranging themselves so this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.
- A ; Everyday by David Levithan (via 0000letters)
The truth is she loves you, too much, so much more than she could ever handle. She is willing to do everything for you, to understand you at your most complicated state, to wait for you when you are fixing yourself, to be there for you no matter how many times you push her away. She will always love you and no matter what you do, she could not just hate you, she could not just hurt you, she could not just do anything that will make you feel miserable. But please, do not abuse this fact. Do not leave her all the time knowing she would be there waiting. Do not hurt her every time knowing that she would understand you anyway. Do not take her for granted. Do not treat her anything less than what she deserves. Because one day, she will get tired of you not because she has stopped loving you but because you have taken everything in her and she will begin to feel empty that even holding on to you will make it feel like a struggle. One day, she will let go of you not because the feeling is gone but because it is the only thing that is left to do.
And that was when I knew that it wasn’t about me and it wasn’t about whether he was in love with me or not, he was, he is, that was plain to see. And it wasn’t about his false nobility, his attempts to make it seem like this was all about protecting me from himself, as if I was some princess or weak damsel caught in a tower of loving him, someone who didn’t know what they were getting into. It was about his fear, the thing that daggered his heart from the time he woke up to the time he went to sleep, and it was a shame, a shame that he didn’t believe in himself the way I always have, that he felt somehow undeserving enough to give me up. And now there is someone new gently slipping their hand into mine and all I keep doing is turning back, looking for my lost flame in the crowd, the man whom I would let destroy me again and again, never even lifting my shield, hoping that he will be there, hoping that he will say something that will make me stay, that he’ll reach out and grab my arm to keep me from walking away and into this new embrace, but I never see him. I never see him. That is when I knew that it didn’t matter how I ever saw him, which was completely in all of his faulted glory, and still I thought him to be some sort of magic; how he loved me, how he looked at me, how it was okay who I was, and how his own self-perceived lacks never mattered to me. I would have stayed, no matter what, I would have stayed, but none of it mattered, he was already gone, and I know that my soul is never going to be the same again after he dived head first into me, only to leave the waters when winter changed the temperature of my heart.
Anonymous: Ate, okay lang po ba kayo? Ba't parang malungkot ka po? :(
I am always sad, anon. Even when I am happy, I am a little bit sad. It has always been like this.
My eyelids are heavy,
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